This is not a story I am proud of.
This is not a story I am proud of, but it plays a significant role in my journey as a new dog owner. I thought I would share the boarding stories after I gave up my first dog.
In case it's helpful, below are the topics covered in this post:
Preface
If you have not already done so, I recommend reading A Shadow Story: Our First Week Together for more about our back story. To sum up that blog post, my very first dog, Shadow, was my first dog. I was unprepared for owning a dog, but having Shadow encouraged me to make significant changes in life.
I was in my early twenties still living at home with my Mom when I adopted Shadow. I supported Mom financially (I paid the bills), drove her everywhere she needed or wanted to go when I wasn't working, and cared for her when she was ill. My Purpose in Life According To Mom was to provide and care for her in her older age. I never questioned it... until I got a dog.
There was a moment when I almost abided by my Mom's wishes and gave up my dog. This post begins where I left off after Our First Week Together.
It Started with an Argument
One day while arguing with Mom, I believe we both had enough. She ended an argument with, "Get rid of the dog or get out of my house."
What were we arguing about? Crap. One day I could not come home from work during my lunch break. When I arrived home, I tried to rush Shadow outside for a potty break. Unfortunately, he could not keep it in long enough to make it from the bedroom my Mom kept him in to the door leading to the backyard.
My reaction was, 'Oh,oh. That is Okay. We will get this cleaned up.' I figured it was my fault for having to work through lunch. I went to grab cleaning supplies to clean up the mess.
My Mom thought I handled the situation incorrectly. She rolled up a newspaper, yelled at Shadow while pointing at the mess on the floor, and proceeded to swing the newspaper at his nose.
Shadow grabbed the rolled newspaper with his mouth and chased my Mom around the house. This angered my Mom. It probably did not help that I yelled, "Go get her, Shadow! Smack grandma!"
When Mom ended the argument with the choice of getting rid of Shadow or me getting out of the house, I went with the most logical option.
Giving Up My Dog
It was clear that having a dog prevented me from fulfilling my responsibilities as a daughter. Shadow would require my full attention. I could not be readily available for my Mom anytime she needed me. I could no longer drop everything to do what she wanted.
I asked my Dad to return Shadow to the humane society one day while I was at work. He agreed and picked up Shadow around 7:00 A.M. As I sat at my office desk at 7:30 A.M., I felt like a horrible human being. I was overwhelmed with guilt and self-hate. I felt worse than I did prior to adopting Shadow. That is saying a lot considering how I contemplated suicide before I adopted him.
It did not take me long to decided that my happiness and Shadow's well-being were more important than my Mom's wants. She did not need me to pay her bills. She received allotment money from my Dad monthly for years as part of their divorce settlement. Mom received enough money monthly to pay her own bills and have extra to spend.
If she was right that my purpose in life was to care for her, I could do so without us having to live under the same roof. Moving out did not mean I was abandoning her and my responsibilities as a daughter. If anything, she would be proud that I was moving out to become more independent.
Before my lunch break, I requested the rest of the day off. My boss granted me permission.
I called my Dad to find out what he told the humane society when he dropped Shadow off. I recalled Dad answering the phone with, "So... you came to your senses and changed your mind?"
I learned Dad never intended to take Shadow back to the humane society. Instead, he took Shadow to his apartment wondering how he would break me from my Mom's "curse" and convince me to keep Shadow. Worst case, he was going to move to a pet-friendly apartment and keep Shadow for himself. I do not deserve my Dad.
Since Dad no longer had to change my mind about keeping Shadow, I headed to his apartment, and we searched for my first apartment that was pet-friendly and close to my work.
Putting Shadow in Boarding
The cheapest pet-friendly apartment complex did not have availability for two weeks. Dad risked having Shadow with him for long because pets, including fish, were not allowed at his complex. I could not take Shadow back to my Mom's house after recent events. She did not want a dog in her house. I respected her wishes.
I found a vet clinic that was willing to board Shadow despite his young age. Most boarding facilities understandably will not take in puppies younger than four or six months in age because they lacked necessary vaccinations. Some will not accept dogs under one year of age.
I checked Shadow into the facility on a Sunday.
I took the next Friday off to visit Shadow at the boarding facility. I wanted to somehow let him know that I did not abandon. Boarding was temporary until we were able to move into our new place together.
I went to the front desk and explained that I wanted to see my dog. They said it was not a problem and that there was a private room where I could spend quality time with him. They headed back to get him.
Soon, I heard people from an area of the building I could not see yelling about a dog that got loose. "Not again," someone yelled. I could hear the commotion and figured it would be a while longer before they could bring Shadow out. They needed all hands-on deck to catch the escapee. I sat on a seat and waited patiently.
A person opened the "employee's only" door next to the front desk and a dog ran out. The escapee was Shadow! I could not believe my eyes. I recognized the midnight black coat with a gray patch on his chest and large feet on his then small body.
This was one of those moments that happened in seconds but felt like time slowed down to allow so many thoughts to go through my head before I could react. He was headed to the front door held opened by one person to allow another person to walk in with their dogs. Past the front door was a busy road with fast moving cars.
I screamed his name. At the time, I called by his shelter name, Uggers. It was a name I could never get him to answer to. I knew he would not answer, and I would have to chase after him. For a split moment, I was terrified of the worst-case scenario. After all, I was raised to be a pessimist and see the worst in life.
"UGGERS!!!"
As soon as I stood from my seat to chase after him, he had stopped and turned to look in my direction. He recognized me! He ran towards me and jumped into my arms.
The vet techs came out and saw us. They had a stunned look on their faces. Nobody said anything for a while. They had to catch their breaths.
I could not shake the words "not again" from my mind. How often did this happen? Did Shadow attempt to escape prior to my arrival? Have they lost other dogs unable to find them and reunite them with their owners? I developed a new fear of boarding facilities.
I checked Shadow out of the boarding facility and carried him to the car where my Dad was waiting. He was surprised to see Shadow when I was just stopping by for a visit before shopping with Dad to buy essentials for my apartment.
I explained to him what happened, and Dad offered to keep Shadow in his apartment for a day until I either convinced my Mom of letting Shadow stay in the house or I found another boarding facility.
Later that day, Shadow went with Dad, and I returned to Mom's house. I wanted to ask if she would accept Shadow for just one week before I moved out.
Unfortunately, Mom refused to speak to me after I told her the week prior that I was moving out. She believed I was abandoning my responsibilities to her as a daughter and accepting the Devil into my soul. I never mustered up the courage to ask permission.
Instead, I searched for a different boarding facility to leave Shadow at for a few days. It was difficult because most boarding facilities do not allow puppies Shadow's age. Dad offered to keep Shadow, but I worried he would get in trouble for doing so.
The housing authorities he rented with regularly did home inspections with no notice on weekdays. Dad was dealing with his own major life problems and did not need to get evicted because of my dog.
I called different facilities and explained our current situation. It was difficult and embarrassing to tell the truth. One person scolded me for being a "horrible person unworthy of owning a pet." My self-hate grew exponentially that weekend.
I finally reached out to an owner of a small boarding facility who agreed to meet with me and Shadow on Sunday. I figured if this did not work out, I would either take Dad up on his offer or sneak Shadow into my house. Fortunately, he did not bark or whine.
Putting Shadow in Boarding... Again
Shadow, Dad, and I met with the owner at her small boarding facility. We spoke for a long while about our situation in greater detail. The owner did not accept puppies, but she made an exception for Shadow.
I later learned that while Shadow and I toured the grounds, Dad told her about my "mentally deranged" and “crazy” Mom. He believed this conversation convinced the owner to accept Shadow.
The owner messaged me daily with updates on how Shadow was doing. She struggled because he required more care and attention than the older dogs that board there. The owner assured me she would never accept a puppy at her facility again.
In addition to telling me about the struggles she and Shadow experienced, she would also share words of encouragement. She told me that life was worthwhile with a dog as part of it. She could tell my dog missed me; a sign that we could have a great life together.
Dad and I went to pick up Shadow from the boarding facility on Friday. The owner and I spoke for a long time before we left. She suggested I give my dog a new name since he never responded to his shelter name except once.
I called out several names to see which one he would respond to. After several tries, my dog finally responded to the name, "Shadow." The first time I said his name, he hopped with excitement and proceeded to lick my face. The owner said it was a fitting name since he would forever be by my side.
Before we left, she told me to be prepared to deal with severe separation anxiety. We did not know what happened in the previous boarding facility, but whatever it was, it may have had a negative impact on Shadow based on his behavior while at this facility.
I am grateful for her kindness and tolerance of my ignorance as a new dog owner.
My Thoughts
It started with a stupid argument followed by several bad decisions. I was an ignorant first-time dog owner. I was, in my Mom's mind, a horrible daughter. I was in over my head.
I regularly thought about giving up on what I wanted most at that time in my life: a dog as my best friend. Yet, I was unprepared for owning a dog. I was, as the one person told me over the phone, a "horrible person unworthy of owning a pet." I felt that my poor decisions made during my first month as a new dog owner were a disservice to my dog.
Yet, when Shadow ran to me after I called out to him at the first boarding facility, I realized that he loved me. Why? I have no earthly idea why! Why are dogs so loyal, even at such a young age?!
I knew that I could not give up on him. I could have handled things better. Things could have been done differently. I know I made things tough on myself, my dog, and my parents. I dragged them unwillingly into my mess. I felt like I made them suffer for no reason.
But at least I was trying my best. Note that I did not say 'I did the best I could.' It was a learning experience I struggled with, but it was worth it to get myself to a position where I could provide a better life for my dog.
Am I a better dog owner today? I doubt that I am. I still believe I make bad decisions and that I am unworthy of owning a pet. It does not help that I now have two dogs I am doing a disservice to with my incompetence.
Yet, my dogs are by my side as I write this blog post. Rascal is watching over my shoulder from the top of the couch as if he is interested in what I have to say. Shadow, now fifteen-years-old, lays with his head on my lap periodically looking up at me.
I guess to my dogs I am doing something right. They are always by myself. They are always happy to be a part of whatever I am doing.
If my dogs are happy and content, I can move forward from what I believed to be bad decisions of the past. Bad days are easier to tolerate when my dogs are with me.
The owner was right about life being worthwhile with a dog (or two) as part of it.
What's Next?
After I told Dad the topic of today's post, he shared an interesting YouTube video with me. It made me feel a little better today. Maybe you will enjoy it, too.
Did things go smoothly with your first dog? Comment below to a short story of the first weeks or month with your dog as a first-time dog owner.
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Thanks, and have a great day!
Simply Jelly Jam
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