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Writer's pictureSimply Jelly Jam

Fake Jobs My Dogs Would Qualify For

What job would your dog take if s/he could?

Puppy Holding Newspaper (Media from Wix)
Puppy Holding Newspaper (Media from Wix)

Have you ever wondered what kind of human job your pet would take if it could? For grins, I thought I'd write fake job postings for jobs my dogs would probably apply for.


Fake Job Posting #1

Popcorn (Media from Wix)
Popcorn (Media from Wix)

My senior dog, Shadow, enjoys watching TV when he's home. He watches a variety of programs and videos including pets on social media, cooking TV programs, and action movies.


Because of his love for TV, I thought Shadow would be a great match for a TV and Film Reviewer job position.


TV and Film Reviewer


Four-Legged Friends Entertainment is looking to hire a four-legged television and film reviewer to join our paw-some team and represent the pet community. The ideal candidate has a love for onscreen entertainment and a desire to share his/her/its thoughts about it.


We're seeking a TV and Film Reviewer to provide opinionated reviews and constructive critiques of entertainment programs released to the new Pets+ Streaming Service and other entertainment platforms.


Job Responsibilities:

  • Share at least 3 television and/or film reviews per week via the "Barking Loud Podcast"

  • Interview television and film enthused pets to share a different perspective of onscreen entertainment

  • Periodically attend screenings at drive-in theaters, viewings at the parks, and dog-friendly theaters

Qualifications:

  • Must be able to sit, stay, and watch the entirety of television programs and full-length films

  • Must have at least six months of watching television and film programs

  • Must be able to provide ruff and pawsitive reviews vocally

  • Must have a person with a computer or smart phone with internet access and bark recording technology

  • Must have a person willing and able to complete your tasks and responsibilities that require opposable thumbs

  • Must be able to speak to a diverse audience of four-legged friends including, but not limited to: dogs, cats, ferrets, guinea pigs, hamsters, gerbils, and rabbits


Fake Job Posting #2

Security Camera (Media from Wix)
Security Camera (Media from Wix)

I struggled thinking of a possible job for my small dog, Rascal. Unlike Shadow who loves and could be great at a lot of different things, Rascal fears almost everything in life. Children, washing machines, rain drops, moths, and dust are just a few of his greatest fears in life.


So, I asked my Dad what job he thought Rascal would be good at. Dad suggested Rascal would make a decent Night Security Guard for a food establishment or other re-tail business Rascal likes. After all, Rascal spends a lot of time guarding our home and alerting every household member of any potential threat on or near the property.


Night Security Guard


The Pup-Sicle Shop is currently seeking qualified applicants for a security guard to cover the night shifts. This establishment is a small dog-ma and paw shop in the local areas.


Our pup-friendly sweet treats are vital to our four-legged customers happiness, but some two-legged people want to get the sweet treats all for themselves.


The selected candidate will guard the premises and alert the proper authorities of suspicious activities, credible threats, and bad boys.


Requirements:

  • At least six months experiencing guarding property

  • Secure premises by patrolling and monitoring the premises

  • Responds immediately to emergencies and takes appropriate actions

  • Maintains a safe environment

  • Dedication to protect sweet treats from undeserving people and pets

  • Ability to work without managerial oversight

  • Suspicious of everyone and everything not affiliated with the business

  • Ability to vocalize and alert to potential, credible threats

  • Provide reports of suspicious activities, people, and pets

  • Willing to accept sweet treat payments opposed to monetary payments


What's Next?


This post was so much fun to write, I encourage you to at least daydream about the ideal job for your pet!


What job would your pet be good at? Login and Sign up to share a fake job listing your pet may be qualified to take on.


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Thanks, and have a great day!

Simply Jelly Jam

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