Not motivated to do anything productive or fun.
It happens to everyone. There comes a day where you lack the motivation to do something... anything, really. Today is that day for me. I thought I'd write about why I'm unmotivated and how I'm trying to overcome it.
Why I'm Not Motivated
This week has been an exhausting week filled with challenges. None of the challenges I was faced with were severe or major, but they were enough for my mind to wander into negative thoughts.
For example, earlier today the window air conditioning (a/c) unit in my master bedroom leaked water all over the hardwood floor. My Dad and I (but mostly Dad) worked together to reposition the a/c to allow water to flow outside the window.
While Dad repositioned the a/c and I dried the puddles on the floor, I looked around to see a pile of stuff off to the corner of my bedroom. I've been meaning to go through and get rid of what I don't need or want. However, I haven't gotten around to it because it looked like a lot of effort to go through, and I easily get distracted with other things.
I need to go through the pile of stuff and move it, along with all the furniture in my room, to clear the floors. The hardwood floor suffered water damage months ago when the guest bathroom's bathtub cracked allowing water to flow into my bedroom. The hardwood boards warped creating a speed hump leading to my master bathroom. The floor is damaged.
I opted to hold off on replacing the floors because we had other problems that needed money and immediate attention back then. Not only was the guest bathroom's bathtub cracked, but the garage door kept breaking. We've repaired the garage door at least three times the past year and a half. It should be replaced, but we held off on purchasing a new door because of other problems that needed money and immediate attention.
Hopefully you get where I'm going with this. As my thoughts fell down the rabbit hole that I created for myself, I started to feel overwhelmed with guilt. I felt guilty about putting off this, procrastinating on that, and ignoring those.
I started feeling like an awful human being who doesn't know how to adult well enough to get my life together. It didn't take long for me to start thinking about other things I felt guilty about and regretted.
Before long, I developed self-hatred. I couldn't shake thoughts of everything I do wrong and how I'm a failure. What's the point of attempting to fix, organize, or change things when I'll just end up at this point again in the future?
I didn't put off working on the a/c. It's an essential unit to have during the summertime in Texas. The central a/c unit that came with the house when I bought it seven years is horrible.
When I first moved in, I thought the central a/c was broke. The interior temperatures would be 90°F or greater during the summer. I don't know how you feel about this temperature, but it's uncomfortably hot for me and my dogs.
It turned out the central a/c works as designed. A previous owner of the house bought an eco-friendly a/c unit that guarantees to keep the interior of the house cooler than the outside temperature by ten-to-fifteen degrees. For example, if the outside temperature is 110°F, a temperature common for this part of Texas in August, then the interior temperature could be anywhere between 85°F to 100°F.
My mind is starting to wander again, so I'm going to quit trying to explain poorly why I'm lacking motivation today.
In short, my negative mindset is discouraging me from doing anything productive or fun. Yet today's an upload day, a day I upload a blog post and YouTube video. While I could skip today since I have few subscribers or followers interested in what I share, I knew I'd feel guilty and hate myself if I didn't upload something.
Trying to Become Motivated
Since I didn't want to skip uploading something on this website and over on my YouTube channel, I needed to motivate myself to do things after focusing on my a/c unit.
I usually have previously recorded videos as backup for days like today when I'm busy focusing on other things. I had one video ready-to-go, but it isn't a video I'm proud of. This past week was filled with unexpected challenges that required my immediate attention, so I didn't have other backup videos recorded.
I gave myself a mental pep talk. I convinced myself that I can get a video recorded, edited, and uploaded today. The video may be crap, but at least I'll have something to upload for my subscribers, followers, and sanity. I convinced myself that I can get it done, but I first had to do something.
After some thought, I decided to de-stress in the process by recording gameplay for at least a half hour. I had fun playing even though I only devoted a short amount of time to it. It didn't take me long to edit the video afterwards, and I was able to upload the SuchArt Creative Space | Ocean on a Small Canvas gameplay video not long ago.
I thought finishing my video upload would motivate me enough to start writing my blog post right away. I opened a blank page ready to be filled with my random thoughts!
Except I hadn't taken the time to think about a topic before today. I typically know what I want to write about the day before post day at the latest. Rarely have I decided on a topic to write about the day I would post it.
This afternoon, I couldn't think of a topic that interested me. I thought it'd be easy to think of something since I maintained a mostly generic personal blog website. But nothing came to mind. I started to wonder what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I let go and move on with it already?!
I started feeling guilty about not being better prepared. Maintaining my blog isn't a job, it's a hobby. It's something I enjoy doing. And yet I didn't know what to do. A part of me didn't feel like doing it today after a long week anyway. What's wrong with skipping a day when few people visit and read my blog posts anyway?
The returning lack of motivation made it difficult for me to narrow my train of thought and focus on writing something. I was overwhelmed with negativity and self-disappointment.
I spent over an hour searching for "blog topic ideas" online. While there were many amazing ideas shared by other bloggers, there wasn't a topic I felt interested in writing about today. Writing is one of the Ways I Personally De-Stress. I was hopeful to decide on something to write about.
I took a break to eat dinner since I haven't eaten all day. I watched some YouTube videos uploaded by Zorro to keep my mind from wandering off into negative thoughts again. I didn't think about my blog during this time.
Food and entertainment helped me finally decide on a topic to write about. It made sense to write about how I felt now since I treat my blog as a public journal of sorts. Maybe others would find my lack of motivation interesting. Worst case is nobody will read this, but at least I achieved my goal of uploading a post today.
I believe I was successful with my attempt to become somewhat motivated today. At least I completed what I set out to do.
My Thoughts
Lack of motivation is something everyone deals with in their lives. Dealing with unexpected challenges led me to having a negative mindset which discouraged me from doing anything productive or fun. I couldn't shake the question, 'what's the point?'
However, I was determined to get a few things done today if for no other reason than to feel less of a failure, one of the negative thoughts on my mind today.
Now that I'm about finished with this last thing, I'm feeling a little better. I don't feel like a complete failure, and now I'm motivated to do nothing else for the rest of the day.
At least I'm motivated once again to do something... or to do nothing in today's case.
What's Next?
I'm calling it quits for the rest of the night, but I'll be busy again tomorrow. Today was a test to see if I can continue with my bi-weekly uploads no matter what unexpected challenges I'm faced with. The results suggest that I'll have something to share with you again next week!
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Thanks, and have a great day!
Simply Jelly Jam
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