I thought I'd share a few of my bad poems.
One thing I like to do is celebrate odd and strange holidays, such as Bad Poetry Day. I thought about crafting a poetic verse or two, especially since I haven't attempted poetry in years. However, I thought my old poems are so bad they're good enough to share on this special day.
About Bad Poetry Day
Bad Poetry Day isn't recognized by the US government, but it's one that many sites such as Days of the Year, Checkiday, and Happy Days 365 list as a day worth celebrating.
I've searched online to learn more about how this holiday originated, but there's no clear information as to how this day came to be.
One thing I do know is this day is perfect for writing poetry. Perfection and quality don't matter today. You have the creative freedom to write what you want and how you want to.
If you're not one to write, today's a great day for reading some bad poetry for fun. In fact, there are several bad poems later in this post you may want to check out.
My Bad Poems
During my pre-teen to late teen years, I wrote lots of poems. I used to enter poetry and short story contests often in hopes of receiving recognition for my writing skills. A few of my written pieces were published locally during my high school years. It was a huge ego boost that allowed me to pretend that I was a published poet and author!
However, most of my poems were bad. I've hesitantly decided to share a few of them with you today. Below, you'll find a few poems the way I originally wrote them, so be prepared to see errors.
These poems are silly, stupid, and a few don't make any sense at all. They're from my high school and community college years. I was an introvert with no friends and nothing to do in between classes. I spent my free time writing whatever crossed my mind.
Feel free to laugh, cringe, or express whatever emotion that comes naturally while you read these bad poems!
A Really, Really Quick Poem (199X)
There was an old lady who was eaten by a bull.
Well, um... the bull must've been full!
Note: I wrote a lot of weird poems I can't explain. This is one of those poems.
Follow Him! (199X)
"Follow him!" is what I heard before.
"Follow him again and follow him more!"
They worked in pairs and they worked real hard.
They even hired Jean-Luc Picard.
They looked over mountains, rivers, and valleys,
Jails, bathrooms, dungeons, and alleys.
Still no sign of whom they searched for.
Their bodies were aching and really sore.
I thought this whole ordeal absurd.
How hard is it to find Big Bird?!
Note: This is another one of those weird poems I can't explain. I probably remembered the movie "Follow That Bird" when I wrote this.
Dear Mom (199X)
Dear Mom,
I tried to do nothing but good this year.
When you needed me, I was always here.
I listened to all you had to say.
I've tried my best to comfort you every day.
I won first place for my fox art at school.
You even thought it was really cool.
I studied each weekend for every class.
At the end of the semester, I told you, "I passed!"
All my hard work has left me sore.
There's just one thing I'd really adore.
If you get this, I won't ask for anything more.
Can we get that chihuahua at the Pet Menagerie Store?
Note: I used to make this argument to my Mom with no success. I always wanted a dog, but Mom wasn't a pet person. Fortunately, I own a couple dogs now, and one just happens to be a chihuahua mix.
299 (200X)
Some people stood while others sat
Waiting for me to make my move
I was suffering from a panic attack
Hoping this would turn out smooth
The tension really filled the air
The pressure was getting to me
I shouldn't mess up - I wouldn't dare!
But the future I could not foresee
I found my mark and took my place
As intense silence filled the room
The thought of failure must be erased
For I feared that my streak was doomed
I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate
Oh boy, was that so hard to do!
I didn't want my release to be late
Or I could bid my luck "adieu"
I took a few steps and pushed on forward
I thought everything was aligned
I released my ball while aiming it toward
Those pins far ahead of the line
The ball rolled over the target as planned
Though I felt a tinge of regret
But it hooked as if it could understand
That it should strike the Brooklyn pocket
A thunderous crash sounded at impact
The pins jumped away from their station
But one pin managed to stay intact
In the 10-pin reserved location
My audience whined in disbelief
It looked perfect all the way through
My body went limp with intolerable grief
The entire experience felt so untrue
That was the last roll of a near perfect game
But I told myself everything was fine
So I didn't strike out in the final frame
At least I achieved a 299
Note: I took a bowling course as part of a physical education requirement and became obsessed with the sport. This poem is how I'd imagine it'd feel to come so close to making a perfect score.
A Stupid Poem (199X)
I'm doing my best to just relax
I used to own a Pentax
My hair is black, my skin is brown
Do I live in a city or town?
I do not know what to write
I saw a Robin and Bluejay fight
I'm bored in case you cannot tell
Oh no, my pen just fell
Eenie, meeny, miny, mo
Santa says "Ho, ho, ho"
The Big Bad Wolf huffs and puffs
Cops know how to use their cuffs
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
Did you know a sheep says "Baa?"
I think I've got a little cold
Mom's living room set was sold
Black ink is black while red is red
This morning I forgot to make my bed
I want a brand new car
And also a Kit Kat bar
I'm hungry, yes I am
I'll visit the Hoover Dam
Note: I must've been really bored and hungry when I wrote this poem.
Life (200X)
I bet you thought this would be a sentimental poem.
Well, you're wrong!
It's about bologna and cheese.
Don't worry... this won't be long.
Bologna goes really well with cheese.
You don't even need bread!
All you need to do is...
Wrap a slice of cheese with a slice of bologna instead.
Open your mouth and take a bits.
Now, doesn't that taste good?
Mmmm... yummy.
That's good snack food.
Note: *sigh* I was raised to believe we were poor when I was younger. (I know my friends are laughing at this statement since they've heard many "I thought we were poor" stories.) My diet wasn't the best because we didn't have a lot of food in the fridge or pantry, but we always had bologna and cheese. That's what I'd snack on most days. I don't remember why I titled the poem "Life." Maybe I gave it that title because snacking on bologna and cheese was a way of life for some time.
The Pen (1999)
The pen has ink
Black, blue, green or pink
Purple, yellow, red or brown
You can write and draw smiles or frowns
You can write with your left hand
Or like me, write with your right hand
You can write in cursive or print
The ink has smells like flowers or mint
You can press the pen light
Or as hard as you like
Watch the tip move around
Pens can be quiet without a sound
You can write reports
On anything, even sports
You can write notes
About different things like famous quotes
The pen is useful for many things
You can write whatever while you sing
Why don't you just write a song?
It doesn't have to be long
Why don't you write a poem or two
When you have nothing else to do?
Write a story about a stalker
Who disguises himself with a wig and a walker
This pen is your friend
Friends forever until the end
(in other words, when the ink runs out)
Note: I don't know what to say about this poem.
Like-Oh m'Goodness (2001)
-sob-
-sniff-
Like-Oh m'Goodness
I just cannot believe it
My problem is totally worse than a zit
Like-Oh m'Goodness
This is so not cool
What happened to me was totally cruel
Like-Oh m'Goodness
It just cannot be true
You'd feel depressed if it happened to you
Like-Oh m'Goodness
All Hell will break free!!!
The sky will turn gray, like, totally
Like-Oh m'Goodness
My tears are like hail
Can you believe I just broke a nail?!
Note: I wrote this poem after watching a classmate raise hell to a teacher about breaking a nail.
Guess (2003)
Guess what this poem is all about?
Go ahead, guess! Guess your heart out!
Make a wild guess or an educated one.
Go on. Keep guessing. Have some fun!
NO! You're entirely wrong!
This is nothing like a song.
It's not about lions, tigers, or bears.
It's not about a knight or a dragon's lair.
It's not about jealousy, greed, or pride.
It's not at all about clowns getting pied.
Okay, do you give up yet?
On your mark, get set...
Ha, ha, ha! Just pulling your leg.
I'll tell you soon. No need to beg.
Here's the answer you've waited for.
This poem is NOT about a door.
Note: Just another weird poem.
Tragedy Strikes (199X)
It hops along its little trail.
Right behind follows its furry little tail,
Happy as it could ever be,
When suddenly -there!- the monster it sees,
Following the little furry creature
With its dark, spooky, scary feature.
Scared and frightened the little bunny is.
On the ground it started to wiz.
The wolf felt it was the right time
To leap on its prey and start to dine.
As the wolf leaped to catch its prey,
To the wolf's surprise, he figured it was his last day
For the bunny pulled out a machine gun, then
Shot the wolf to his 'very end.'
The 3 pigs were happy and jumping with joy,
And Lil' Red said, "Oh boy! Oh boy!
That's the end of that nasty dude.
Come with me and I'll buy ya'll some food!"
They all walked 'til they came to this place,
Nothin' there in the big empty space,
Only to find that Lil' Red ain't their friend.
"Bye," she said, "Nice knowin' ya 'til the end!"
She tossed them in a fire and cooked them well done.
She ate them all up and exclaimed, "That was fun!"
She soon noticed that her stomach was big.
Lil' Red blamed it on those 3 fat pigs.
She drank the water from her cup.
BOOM!!! Her stomach blew up!
In the forest, tragedy strikes again.
Oh, well. I guess that's the end.
Note: So,... yeah. This poem happened. It's part of a series of forest tragedy stories I wrote in high school. Unfortunately, I no longer have the entire series. Only one other 'tragedy' poem remains in my memory box.
My Thoughts
These were some of my many bad poems written during my later teen years. In case you're interested, I omitted the following poems from this blog post:
The Death of a Sausage. The friendship between a sausage and fox.
He Made Them Cry. A smart-mouthed parrot for sale.
The Duck and Him. A first kiss between a man and woman.
Eye Twitch. My twitchy left eye.
Minesweeper. An easy, yet hard game.
Balloon Face. A balloon and soda sale.
I'm Bored. My hopes to see a purple fly.
This Friday Morn'. Nothing but lies, and that's the truth.
These are actual handwritten poems I kept in a memory box all these years. I realize now that I was a weird, awkward, and introverted person. Unfortunately, that hasn't changed much.
I'm embarrassed to share these bad poems publicly, but hopefully you had a good laugh while reading them.
What's Next?
I think I'll devote time to write a new poem today. It'll be fun to see if I write a good or bad poem after about 15 years of not writing a single poem.
Have you written or read any bad poems lately? Login and Sign up to let me know how you celebrated Bad Poetry Day.
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Thanks, and have a great day!
Simply Jelly Jam
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