She had three strikes.
When I bought my house over ten years ago, I was ecstatic at the thought of family, especially my parents, visiting. Unfortunately, I quit inviting my Mom after her first and last solo visit to my house.
In case it's helpful, below are the main points covered in this post:
My Dream House
A year after I moved to my current hometown to work at a local university, I fell in love with the area and people. It also helped that I was financially stable, unlike with my previous job where I skipped meals because I did not have enough money after paying bills, student loans, and my dog's essentials. (My dog, Shadow, came first.)
With my quality of life getting increasingly better since my move, I became deadest on buying my first house in this amazing (to me) location. I reached out to an amazing realtor and started my house hunt.
There were stressful and tiring times, but overall, I enjoyed the experience. I felt blessed to be in a position where I could afford to buy a house independently. I was grateful to provide Shadow, a large breed dog, a home with his own yard.
After a small remodel (new floors and cabinets), I was excited to have family, especially my parents, visit my new home! Things were good when my brother and his family visited one weekend, but Mom's solo visit was stressful.
Mom's First Strike
Mom and I were excited about her staying in my home for a week. It was her first solo stay. She previously came with my brother and his family weeks prior. I established a few ground rules for her visit. For example, she could not smoke indoors. She agreed with my rules after a long complaint about how she should not be treated like a guest or child.
I went to work on Monday. I normally went home for lunch to take Shadow on a short midday walk, but I opted to eat on campus since Mom was home with him.
At the end of the workday, I headed home to find a man I did not know working in my front yard. I went to greet him to be courteous and figure out why he was on my property. I soon learned that Mom went to his house (he was my next-door neighbor I had yet to meet) and asked if he or anyone in the house could help her with my front yard.
My master bedroom was at the front of the house with a window that faced the street. A few shrubs lived in the yard that blocked the lower quarter of the window. I loved opening my window and blinds, knowing that nobody could easily see into my bedroom from the street. Shadow was able to sightsee through the branches and leaves easily. It is the only window in the front of the house facing the street.
MOST OF MY SHRUBS WERE GONE!
Mom and my neighbor uprooted most of the shrubs, bushes, and small trees from my front yard. I was livid! Although I kept my mouth shut, my neighbor must have seen fumes shooting out of my ears. He apologized and headed back to his house. I asked Mom to chat with me indoors.
We got into a heated argument. I complained that she did not ask for my or the HOA's permission before digging up most of my foliage. Mom got angry at me for being unappreciative of the hard work she was doing to make the front of my house look great. She argued that me, my neighbors, and the HOA would be grateful if she turned my ugly front yard into a yard with curb appeal. Mom said she had already started and had no plans to stop until she was done.
Eventually, I gave up arguing because she was right. The damage was already done. She asked me to take her to the nearest garden center to buy whatever to decorate the front yard. She asked me to pay for the stuff I did not want, but I refused. Because Mom was dead set on decorating my front yard, she went ahead and bought whatever with her own money.
I told Mom not to touch anything in my backyard. She was angry about it but agreed.
Mom's Second Strike
The next day, I checked with the neighborhood HOA to let them know about the changes made to my front yard. Fortunately, they had no problem with it. I learned that our HOA was looking at becoming extinct within a year, so they were lenient with any changes made to the front yard.
I hoped Mom was busy with the yard, but I decided to head home for lunch to check on her and Shadow. I wanted to make myself a small meal and hang out with Mom before heading back to work. I got home, greeted Shadow and Mom, and then opened the fridge.
MOST OF MY FOOD WAS GONE!
Food I bought was missing from my fridge, freezer, and pantry. I asked Mom where my food went. My question supposedly reminded her to ask me to take her grocery shopping after I got off work.
Mom threw away much of my food in the trash bin outside. She also gave a few bags of food to my next-door neighbor as a gift for helping her destroy my front yard.
I never thought that I would have to establish a rule to not throw my food away. She brought food from her own house in case she did not like what I had. So why did she have to get rid of my food?!
We got into another heated argument. Once again, I was yelled at for being ungrateful and having a selection of "bad" food. Mom wanted me to take her grocery shopping after I got off work.
When I asked her how much she was willing to pay for groceries, she argued that I needed to pay for my own groceries because it was my responsibility as a homeowner. It was my fault she threw food away because I bought bad brands or whatever triggered her to clean out my fridge and pantry.
I never took Mom grocery shopping. I ordered take out the rest of the week. She ate the food she brought with her.
Mom's Last Strike
Mom kept herself busy Wednesday with decorating my front yard. I thought the worst was over. We did not argue about my house that day.
On Thursday after work, I was looking for something in my kitchen (I do not recall what it was), but I could not find it in its designated drawer. I realized Mom reorganized my drawers. Of course she did. She did the same in my previous apartment units long before I moved to my new hometown.
I told myself to keep quiet and not argue with Mom. We argued too often about other things, so I could let this pass. I could reorganize everything my way after I took her home that weekend. To maintain my little bit of sanity, I went through all the kitchen drawers and cabinets to familiarize myself with her organization method.
MOST OF MY KITCHEN ITEMS WERE GONE!
I asked Mom where she put my stuff. She told me that she threw away most of my utensils, dishware, mugs, glasses, containers, pots, pans, small appliances (rice cooker, electric can opener, etc.), and more because they "looked cheap" and I could now afford better quality things. Mom proudly told me that she was doing me a favor since I was too busy with work.
My blood was boiling! Everything she threw away was brand new. I bought what I wanted for my house. Because Mom did not like the design or color of something, like how she complained how dinner plates and bowls should only be white, she believed they were "cheap."
As you probably guessed by now, we got into another heated argument where I learned that she threw away other items I had in the hallway bathroom. Fortunately, she was unable to go through everything in the bedrooms and my master bathroom because she had to get everything in the trash bin before it was picked up by the city.
Thursday was trash day. Trash was collected in the mornings while I was at work. There was no way I could dig through the multiple bags Mom filled to retrieve over a thousand dollars’ worth of things.
Mom refused to repay me for the damage to the yard, the food she gave to my neighbor, or the items she threw away. I got what I deserved for buying the wrong things for my house. Mom graciously offered to teach me how to shop with my own money.
It did not surprise me when she refused to pay for everything she destroyed. She claimed money from me when I lived in her home decades ago, but that is a story for another day.
What's Next?
I am grateful to call this house my home. It is my sanctuary and I will appreciate it by cleaning after I finish writing.
Comment below to share your bad house guest story!
Don't forget to subscribe below to be notified by email when I post something new.
Thanks, and have a great day!
~Simply Jelly Jam
Comments