Celebrating me for the first time in life.
After years of hating how my Mom celebrated my birthdays, I experienced a good birthday for the first time after moving cities away from home and celebrating with my dog.
In case it's helpful, below are the topics covered in this post:
Background
I went into detail about Why I Don't Like Celebrating My Birthday several years ago. In short, my birthday felt like a celebration for my Mom. The celebrations were focused on what she wanted and never took my likes, dislikes, and anxiety into consideration.
Last week, my Mom complained about not celebrating my birthday with me this year. It has been years since I saw my Mom on my birthday. I keep our phone calls short because she tends to complain about me.
For example, she once complained about how I failed to get her a gift for my birthday because she "worked hard" to raise me. (Mother's Day and her birthday take place the week after my own birthday. She wants to celebrate herself on all three days.)
During our discussion last week, I realized that I never actually hated celebrating my birthday. I hated celebrating it Mom's way with an emphasis on her. While she complained about how horrible my last several birthdays have been without her, I remembered my first ever decent birthday celebration.
My First Decent Birthday
It was my first birthday away from my old hometown and away from family. I moved to a new city for a great job opportunity (and to add distance between me and my narcissistic Mom).
Since my birthday fell on a weekday, my Dad and other family members would not have been able to visit me. Mom does not drive long distances and wanted me to take the day off work to drive back home for her. I refused, stating I was not able to take paid leave so soon after starting my job. This was a lie as my department offered me administrative leave (a free day off, essentially) for my birthday.
Instead, I planned to go to work as I have always done when my birthday took place on a workday.
I went to work in the morning like usual. On my desk, I found an envelope and chocolate. I thought it was placed on my desk mistakenly, so I asked a colleague who it could be for. She laughed at me and told me to open the card.
My department gave me a birthday card. Several of my colleagues signed it. For some people, this may be a normal thing to receive in the workplace. For me, it was the first time anyone from work acknowledged my birthday.
My supervisor let me leave early that day. He told me to celebrate myself. Because he knew I hated celebrating my birthdays, he also told me to celebrate my dog, Shadow, if I did not want to do anything special for myself.
So, I did as my supervisor suggested. I went home from work early, got Shadow into the SUV, and focused on doing things he loved. We went to a park, craft store (Shadow loved the store's feathers and seashells), bookstore, hardware store, and pet store.
To end our day out-and-about, I decided to eat at one of my favorite restaurants at the time. Shadow and I were led to a table on the outdoor patio. I brought a tote bag for Shadow's filtered water bottle, water dish, and sealed container of his dry dog food. I wanted Shadow to eat his dinner alongside me at the restaurant, something we did regularly when we ate out.
To my surprise, the server served me and Shadow. When he brought me my drink, he brought a pitcher of ice-cold water for Shadow's dish. He refilled the dish even when I said I brought water and he did not have to do anything extra for us.
When the server checked in on me periodically, he would also ask Shadow if he was doing alright. Shadow would respond with a soft bark to which the server nodded and said, "That's good," before walking off to serve his other customers.
When the server took my order, he asked if there were any meats Shadow wanted. After I explained that Shadow was good because I brought his dry dog food, the server suggested Shadow's choice of meats as an add-in. I agreed. I do not recall what meat I chose for Shadow, but someone in the kitchen took the time to slice it so that I could mix it easily with Shadow's dog food.
Before this night, I never had a server in my home state do more than acknowledge that I had a dog with me. This server (who received a handsome tip at the end) pretended to treat Shadow like a paying customer. He spoke to my dog and served him. It was not his job to acknowledge or cater to my dog, but it was a simply extra gesture that made me happy.
In the end, I thanked him for his remarkable service and handed him a large tip. Maybe I should not have done so, but I told him that he made my birthday even better.
His smile faded. I thought I offended him somehow. Before I could do damage control by apologizing, he asked why I was alone for my birthday. After a short discussion, he felt bad that I was not with family or friends on my birthday. I explained that I spent much of my day with my family and best friend, Shadow.
Because he pushed for it with his questions, I also explained that my past birthdays were awful and that this was the first time I celebrated the way I wanted. For the first time, I celebrated me by spoiling my dog rather than doing whatever my Mom wanted. He seemed satisfied with my explanation and told me that he was glad to be a part of my special day.
Shadow and I went home and watched his favorite movie, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, before bed.
What's Next?
For my birthday this year, I am heading out-of-town with my dogs, Rascal and Lucy. My goal is to spoil them in ways that make their tails wag non-stop! We will most likely visit several parks, stores, and end the day with new toys and treats.
Comment below to share one of your favorite birthday memories!
Don't forget to subscribe below to be notified by email when I post something new.
Thanks, and have a great day!
Simply Jelly Jam
Comments