Being embarrassed by my toes.
Despite being insecure about my appearance, I used to wear open-toed shoes with my outfits. That changed after a stranger made a big deal about my toes at a shoe store.
In case it's helpful, below are the topics covered in this post:
Insecurity About My Looks
One Day at a Shoe Store
Learning About Morton's Toe
What's Next?
Insecurity About My Looks
I have always been insecure about my appearance from my head to my toes.
A part of my insecurity came from my Mom. Her image and how people looked at her was important to her for some reason. Since I was an extension of her, how I looked to other people was more important to her. One of the life lessons she taught me was to care about what other people thought of me. This included my behavior and physical looks.
Mom tried to make me "beautiful," but there were "problems" that got in the way. I recall sensitive skin (I even have adult acne to this day), and my skin color made it difficult for Mom to make me more "beautiful" to her and other people's eyes.
Why did my skin color matter? Mom is a light-skinned Filipina woman while Dad is a dark-skinned Black male. Mom, who went to cosmetology school in the Philippines, did not know who to deal with darker skin and my type of hair.
Applying makeup (which irritated my skin) and styling my hair would sometimes make her irritated. I hated being around Mom when she was unhappy. Those mother-daughter moments were not pleasant memories for me.
Another part of my insecurity came from other people who commented on my looks. As a socially awkward introvert with anxiety, it was difficult when people addressed my appearance.
Positive and negative comments about how I looked (and everything else for that matter) made me uncomfortable. Negative comments about how I looked, which I received often as a teenager and young adult, made me feel embarrassed to go out in public.
Despite being insecure about my appearance, I styled myself in ways that made me feel confident about being out in public. I had to since I primarily worked in customer-service related fields. Confidence and comfort were key in maintaining my sanity and fighting off social anxiety, at least until I got off from work.
One Day at a Shoe Store
I needed to buy new shoes, so I headed to a local shoe store after work. I was in search of something that I could easily slip on and off but was appropriate to wear with a professional outfit. Comfort was also important since I was frequently standing or walking across campus (I worked at a community college) for meetings.
A sales associate assisted me as I often struggle to find the right fit. My toes never seem to fit comfortably in any shoes, and I believe my right foot is slightly wider than my left foot. Usually, a sales associate checks the "back" to see if there are wider sizes that are not regularly stocked on the sales floor.
When I was ready to try on a pair of open-toed shoes the sales associate brought out for me, I pushed back my insecurity and took my shoes off. Before I could slip on the disposable stockings provided by the store to try on the open-toed shoes, a female customer nearby caught our attention.
The woman made a loud gasping noise. As I turned to see if the customer was alright, I saw her staring and pointing at my feet.
The woman fell to her knees and bowed to me. Scared, I started looking around for hidden cameras as it seemed like I was being "punk'd." I felt like a cruel prank was about to be played out and I was the main target. My anxiety was gearing up as other customers turned their attention our way.
She rose and smiled at me. I believe she noticed I was shocked because she started to explain why my feet surprised her.
With a strong African accent (maybe Nigerian?), she explained that the long length of my second toe on both feet indicated that I was a descendant of African royalty. She had never met anyone with second toes that were as long as mine, which implied that my grandeur (or something like that) was significant.
Honestly, I did not hear much of what she said. I was trying not to have a panic attack. My heart was racing, I found it difficult to breathe, and I felt like I was about to faint. I felt embarrassed as I noticed other customers trying to get a glimpse of my toes to see what the woman was talking about.
I wanted to flee and become invisible. I hated the attention I was receiving at that moment.
Fortunately, I was able to keep my cool and not start crying. I remember smiling and telling the woman, "Thank you." But I do not recall anything else I may have said. The woman walked away with a smile.
The sales associate was shocked and would not stop talking about how weird that encounter was. I did not want to talk about it. I felt embarrassed about the unwanted attention I received. My mind and body felt like it was about to shut down.
I left without any new shoes. I went to a different shoe store another day, but I did not buy any open-toed shoes. I worried some people would stare at my feet making me feel even more uncomfortable in a social situation.
Learning About Morton's Toe
Recently during a conversation with my Dad about that day in the shoe store, he told me about Morton's toe. I decided to do some online research on the topic.
With Morton's toe, the second toe is longer than the first toe. Ancient Greeks considered a long second toe physical perfection. Apparently, so did artists that depicted the Statue of Liberty, The Birth of Venus, Venus de Milo, and other artistic representations of feet with having long second toes.
It was referred to as the "Greek toe" until Dr. Dudley J. Morton published his studies of foot issues caused by a long second toe and other foot related conditions. He became a household name after writing Oh Doctor, My Feet! in laymen terms for average people to read during the Great Depression. The book explained why a person's feet would hurt and how to care for them.
Furthermore, some people believed Morton's toe symbolized leadership and royal descent. Because of this belief, the toe is also known as the "royal toe."
What's Next?
I have a few pairs of open-toed shoes collecting dust in my closet. Maybe after I post this, I will drop-off the shoes to a local thrift store.
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Thanks, and have a great day!
Simply Jelly Jam
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